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Subject: The Room
Replies: 22 Views: 830
seastarr 12.09.08 - 06:56pm
In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features save for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endlessly in either direction, had very different headings.
*
seastarr 12.09.08 - 07:02pm
As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read People I Have Liked. I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one.
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seastarr 12.09.08 - 07:07pm
And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match.
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seastarr 12.09.08 - 07:21pm
A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named Friends was next to one marked Friends I Have Betrayed.
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seastarr 12.09.08 - 07:32pm
The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. Books I Have Read, Lies I Have Told, Comfort I Have Given, Jokes I Have Laughed At. Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: Things I've Yelled at My Brothers. Others I couldn't laugh at: Things I Have Done in My Anger, Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents. I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped.
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seastarr 12.09.08 - 07:38pm
I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my 20 years to write each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.
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seastarr 12.09.08 - 07:49pm
When I pulled out the file marked Songs I Have Listened To, I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of music, but more by the vast amount of time I knew that file represented.
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seastarr 12.09.08 - 08:01pm
When I came to a file marked Lustful Thoughts, I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded.
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seastarr 12.09.08 - 08:06pm
An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them! In an insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.
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seastarr 12.09.08 - 08:10pm
Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it. The title bore People I Have Shared the Gospel With. The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.
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seastarr 12.09.08 - 08:37pm
And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that the hurt started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key.
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seastarr 12.09.08 - 08:43pm
But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one?
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seastarr 12.09.08 - 08:52pm
Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.
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seastarr 12.09.08 - 08:57pm
Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card.
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seastarr 12.09.08 - 09:00pm
No! I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was No, no, as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood.
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seastarr 12.09.08 - 09:37pm
He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, It is finished.
*
seastarr 12.09.08 - 10:15pm
I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.
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seastarr 12.09.08 - 10:22pm
Thank You Jesus that my sins are covered with Your Blood. I Pray that the cards I write from here on Are Worthy of Your Sacrifice! Amen! 
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jidat 13.09.08 - 06:29am
amien, niz story aunt... *
he.lives 13.09.08 - 07:50am
I'm in the room. In the house of the lord. Amen my sister. *
seastarr 13.09.08 - 05:48pm
Amen bro. He loves us more than we can imagine 
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endtimes 14.09.08 - 02:04pm
I know that room. Thank You Jesus for what You have done for me. *
eclipse2 14.09.08 - 04:42pm
Amen. Thank you Jesus for your love 
*
